i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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