dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
