I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
