After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
