WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
