The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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