Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
