I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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