As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
