absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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