you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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