Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
