She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
