Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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