addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
