Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are we still banned from the library?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
