you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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