So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
