So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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