I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
