btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
