he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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