i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
