An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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