Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
