Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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