sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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