But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do vagina's smell?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
