i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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