We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize