Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
