he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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