I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
