Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You are a genius and a whore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
