it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
