the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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