everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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