I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
