Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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