i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
