He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
