have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
