I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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