Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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