this just has baby written all over it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
