The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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