I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
