Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
