then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
