Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
