why didn't you poke me back
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
