i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
