covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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