my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
