Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
