whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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