blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize