wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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