break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
