he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
