First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
