Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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