This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
