i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
